COMPUTER !

WOW.  Can I just say that the past two weeks have been two amazing weeks.  I have wanted a pc for a very long time now and I finally have it !!  The excitement running through me is too much for me to not write about.  That's all that is on my mind lately !  So I want to talk about limits.  Limitations on what is possible and what is not possible.  I believe that you can truly achieve ANYTHING that you set your mind too.  That is something that I guarantee most people would agree with.  But then you go up to those same people who agree with that and tell them what you are trying to achieve.  Then they will see it is impossible to do that.  So limitations are a thing of the past.  Next I want to tell you what I am trying to achieve.  I'm trying to achieve obtaining this type of excitement at will.  Whenever I want it I can have it !!  And some of you might be thinking it would be a waste to have it all the time.  But I'm talking about the type of excitement that keeps growing and growing and is never the same.  So that is what I am working with right now and I can not wait to get my computer up and running and playing games on it.  I love you.

Jealousy

One word to describe anger mixed with passion for something you don't have but want is called "jealousy".  Now, most of the time jealousy occurs in denial.  People will deny EVEN to THEMSELVES that they are not jealous.  I can see it a lot in younger children and also my own generation as well.  I used to get jealous but not really angry.  I learned to control a lot of it by being strong in what I have already.  I was pretty jealous to read some of the poems we looked at in class.  And I'm being serious about that.  I wish I could write poetry.  I CAN write poetry.  I just don't want to.  I would rather explain what I'm trying to say in a way that can better help the people with less imagination.  One poem I was jealous of was by JEWEL.  It's called PS.  I will just cite the whole thing since it is not very long:
I wrote those nice
poems only because
the honest ones
would frighten you

For some reason that just speaks to me in more ways than I can tell you.  It brings me back to so many thoughts and inspirations.  And all of that happened in for small lines !!!  That's why I'm jealous.  I do not have the confidence to write something that inspiring in that small of a text.  But I will now work on it.  Thank you Jewel !!

Photography Class

I'm in photography class writing my blog post when I'm supposed to be doing work.  Do you see what laziness and procrastination can do to someone ??  It deletes the creativity and makes me work fast.  Although I think I am very creative.  What others may think is that I'm rambling.  Anything that comes from my mind to this computer screen is an act of creativity.  Everything is creative.  Nothing is original.  Originality is non-existent.  Every single thought you have ever thought before has already been thought of.  See??  Maybe you're not on the same page as me.  But I'm not going to explain something you won't understand.  There is no past and future.  There is no such thing as time.  Everything is happening.  Everything is everything.  We're all here.  Past is an imaginary time made up by the human mind.  Nobody can prove the past exists through anything but their own mind.  The future doesn't exist without a past.  All we are is a dot staying in one place.  Eternal presence. 

SLEEP

If I could dream about one thing for the rest of my life it would definitely not be poetry.  Poetry is something that is great to have but once you have it you should never try to make others like it.  Sleeping CAN be a great time for poetry.  Your mind just runs to nowhere and beyond.  Nothing happens.  When something as blank as nothing can happen, you are for sure dreaming.  A little bit of what makes me dream is the things I know I'm supposed to work on in life.  When I go to bed I'm obviously thinking of something first.  Well this turns into a million shattered thoughts of life and what may be out of this life.  Who knows??  I'm sleeping !

Where Does Fear Come From

Seriously.  Why does it scare me to talk to the girl I want to be with?  Well because I am afraid it will go wrong. Why am I afraid it will go wrong?  Because she is a very pretty girl and I don't feel worthy at times.  Why don't you feel worthy at times?  Because I have low self esteem.  Why do you have low self esteem?  Aside of what I think, I let others tell me what I can and can not do, leading me to this imaginary line of fear.  What is this imaginary line of fear you talk about?
This imaginary line of fear that others portray on me is something I allow myself to be afraid of.  The reason I am afraid of fear is because I let myself be.  
You see that?  Sometimes it is the most easy answer.  But then why is it so hard to find answers all the time?  Because we're afraid.  We're afraid of who we won't become.  Who we will become.  Who cares???  I'm always going to be me and nobody will change that no matter how much they impact my life.  So stop pretending.  Be yourself.  Life is better that way.  Anybody who can't respect that doesn't deserve to be around you.  Next time someone tries to bring down what you are trying to become, ask them why.  Why are you trying to bring me down?  I guarantee their answer will be hidden behind some type of confidence.  That's exactly my point.
The only reason others bring you down is to bring themselves up.  ......

Courage

I like courage.  Courage is my favorite part of the triforce.  Courage, power and wisdom.  Of the three I think I would be most comfortable having courage.  I wouldn't be afraid to tackle any obstacle that I really want to get passed but am usually too scared to even try so I just walk away.  What if there was ONE obstacle I was too scared to tackle.  And what if that ONE obstacle could have been the one that opened up a whole new world to me.  An exciting world.
A world filled with nothing but comfort and peace.  Joy.  Endless happiness.  No tolerance could be made towards what you achieve.
And if I only had the courage to get past this "fear" we speak of then I would have been fine.
Check out my next blog post called "where does fear come from" to get an idea of, well.... WHERE FEAR COMES FROM !!!!!